Relationship and Marriage Advice | The Gottman Relationship Blog ...

? ? ? In today?s post, we?d like to separate the fact from the fiction, using Dr. Gottman?s research to demystify some of the most common myths about relationship do?s and don?ts. In The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, John Gottman illuminates the truth behind common misconceptions for techniques in strengthening your relationship:

MYTH: Communicating using active listening skills in attempting to reach conflict resolution will save your relationship.

REALITY: While active listening is certainly a useful skill, it alone cannot save your relationship. As Dr. Gottman points out, ?even happily married couples can have screaming matches ? loud arguments don?t necessarily harm a marriage.? We all have our disagreements, in a variety of different ways. So go ahead, break all those active listening rules! Keeping in mind your affection and love for each other, and remember that ending your arguments on a positive note can override natural variations in argumentative style.

MYTH: Neuroses or personality problems ruin marriage.

REALITY: Everyone is different, and often our little differences make us fall even deeper in love each other. If we were all the same, imagine how horribly uninteresting our conversations would be! Talking at the dinner table would be reduced to constant nodding and, between variations of ?Honey, pass the salmon,? periodic declarations of agreement with your partner. The key in navigating conflicts arising from the natural differences you and your partner may have lies in being able to learn more deeply about our partner by asking questions when disagreements do occur. Discussing your partner?s fears, hopes, wishes, and desires beneath what on the surface may seem irrational can actually bring you closer together than ever.

MYTH: Common interests keep you together.

REALITY: You can see it now: you and your partner are walking hand in hand into your favorite used book store, smelling that old book smell, coffee in hand, headed for the Literature section. Romance is in the air. But wait! Just around the corner in Politics, a couple seems to be having a spat! Books are flying and tempers are flaring: ?You idiot! Obama will never get enough electoral votes!? Clearly, enjoying the same activities can create incredibly strong connections between you and your partner, but these activities can also be a source of tension, depending on how you interact while pursuing your common interests.

MYTH: You scratch my back and?

REALITY: You may have seen those popular books, Porn for Women, filled with scandalous photographs of men doing household chores. The common portrayal of men as fundamentally incapable or unwilling to help out around the house is not only rather insulting, but not particularly true in most happy marriages. It seems to make sense that deals should be made in order to maintain a sense of fairness and balance in chores, and that in romance a kiss should meet a kiss and a smile should meet a smile. In reality, deal making and contracts, quid pro quo, mostly operate in unhappy marriages. Don?t keep score. Build connection and strengthen your relationship by freely offering each other positive overtures and support.

MYTH: Avoiding conflict will ruin your marriage.?

sleigh bells meek sturgis sturgis whitney houston laid to rest daytona bike week amazing race