Resources on Campus Help with Abusive Relationships | UC ...

Rose Portner

When it comes to abusive relationships, the first thing students need to know is that they are not alone, even students at Utica College. Many struggles tag along with being in an abusive relationship that people who are on the outside looking in are usually unaware of.

One difficult aspect is identifying a relationship as abusive, whether verbal or physical, even though one or both partners may be in love with the other. Freshman Katie Corbett believes there are many cases in which a person involved in a destructive relationship realizes that it is abusive when it is too late.

?A lot of the time I don?t think they recognize an abusive relationship until it?s gotten to a point where they are afraid to get out of it,? Corbett said. ?I don?t think they see it coming.?

Another complication that comes along with abusive relationships is that young people who have not had much experience with relationships can be easily fooled into thinking that certain behavior is justifiable by saying that the actions are being done out of love or care. College students who are away from home are especially vulnerable to abusive behavior when they are getting into their first, or one of their first, relationships. Utica College Counselor Carolyn Carstensen believes that being away from family can make it difficult to leave these types of relationships.

?I think that at college a lot of people get themselves into unhealthy/abusive relationships just because they do not really recognize it as abuse and then the ones that do sometimes are away from their support and from home a lot of times so they may let it go on longer,? Carstensen said.

Many young people, including college students, also tend to cut themselves off from other important relationships in their lives when they come to college and, therefore, do not have the support to leave the relationship once they are too deeply involved. ?Dean of Students Alane Varga believes in the importance of maintaining close relationships with other people besides one?s partner.

?A lot of times in relationships where there has been abuse, relationships outside of that particular relationship have become minimal or have been cut off so people may become isolated,? Varga said. ??It?s also possible that support that they might have from friends becomes a little more strained as people try to help and then they continue to stay in that relationship.?

However, there are many places on the Utica College campus to go to for support. Options that students have are talking to members of Campus Safety, counselors, trusted faculty and staff, other students, members of the Conduct system and even members of Student Affairs. Varga reports that the office of Student Affairs opens its doors to students with these kinds of issues.

?You can certainly come into the office of Student Affairs and talk to somebody about what your concerns are and what we can do to help support folks here,? Varga said. ?There are some things that we can do and there are other kinds of resources that we can hook somebody up with.?

Students are encouraged to utilize these on-campus resources. It is important to know that there are people affected students can talk to that will support them; no one has to be afraid to get help when it comes to abusive relationships. Carstensen believes that students need to know that they are not alone and that they should not let it affect how they feel about themselves.

?I want students to know that they need to talk about it and that they?re not the only ones,? she said. ??They don?t need to feel guilty and no one deserves to get hurt. Sometimes people are hesitant to come in because they say ?Well, I hit him too,? or ?I pushed him too.? That?s still not a reason for them to hit you back. A lot of people feel guilty because a lot of passionate relationships are passionate in both love and hate.?

The feeling of guilt in young people who are a part of an abusive relationship may also stem from feeling like there is something wrong with them because they are in that situation. Varga said that students should not feel like they are different mentally or emotionally from anyone else just because of the situation that they a0re in.

?Being in an abusive relationship is not something that you have to stay in because you have no options,? Varga said. ??There are people here who will support you in figuring out what you need to do and helping you do that. Also, it isn?t an indication of some kind of mental illness or emotional disturbance in terms of being in an abusive relationship.?

For more information or help identifying abusive relationships and how to handle situations like this, there will be an event on Monday, April 9 from 6-8:30 p.m. in the Strebel Student Center lounge called Fighting at UC, hosted by the Womyn?s Resource Center.

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